The News: This Just In!

And after years of lies the truth was revealed, Hot pockets don’t go in your pants. We’ll be back with News at eleven.

Hello welcome back this is News at eleven the time is currently three in the morning and a bit of breaking news. A mad scientist has taken over New York, the state not the city. When asked about this he said I’m not mad just a little miffed.

Holocaust survivor Smadolf Smitler, died today in the Jewish rest home he hated so much. His suicide note said all he wanted was to leave but children I’m quoting here “Jewed him into this hellhole.”

He will be missed by someone...I'm sure someone will.

On a lighter note the black art community has decided to officially announce that they will not allow the term colored people since according to the art world black is the absence of color.

So white people have taken it upon themselves to call them empty. Viewing this as racist the Black art community has decided to erect a large painting showing their feeling but seeing as how it’s “modern art” no one understands what it means.

Title: Where's Whitey.

It seems the trend of bagged milk has come to America from its brother to the north Canada. When faced with this change people protesters formed groups milking cows into pales reading plastic not paper.

On a related note the president of the organization PETA has been impeached for racist remarks against a Dalmatian.

She said “That Mulatto bitch pissed on my floor.”

She also abuses children for fun.